


Remembrance of Need

by goldarrow



Series: Silent!Stephen [5]
Category: Primeval
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 16:43:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17564216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldarrow/pseuds/goldarrow
Summary: They have to go back to Helen's laboratory.





	Remembrance of Need

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: 15 for possibly disturbing images  
> Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures, not me. I will return them when I’m done, slightly mussed but in superb spirits.
> 
> Set not long after Contemplation of Harm.

Remembrance of Need

 

_I know you’d prefer not to talk about it any more_ , Stephen signed, _but I’ve remembered something_.

“Ah, Stephen, it’s not that I want to brush what Helen and her Cleaners did to you under the rug, but. . .” Ryan paused, gathering his thoughts. “It still bothers me that you think nothing of it.”

Stephen shrugged. _It’s done and over. Of no importance now_. He grinned. _I don’t give a flying fuck what Helen wants any more_. The grin turned to a grimace. _Except for that stupid hormone reaction to her._

“Spit in her face, next time,” Ryan suggested, only half joking.

Stephen chuckled silently _. Maybe I will. Always assuming she doesn’t have a gun pointed at me._

“There is that,” Ryan sighed. Then he shook his head. “How did we get side-tracked again?”

Stephen pushed him flat on the mattress and crawled on top of him. _We always do_ , he signed, sitting astraddle Ryan’s crotch.

Ryan laughed and flipped him over. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

_Timelines. Helen talked about alternate timelines._ Stephen snuggled down until he was comfortable, and signed quickly.

Ryan frowned and leaned close to nip Stephen’s neck and whisper in his ear. “It was a lie - that other Stephen was another one of her clones.”

Stephen shivered at the soft breath. _Yes. That one was. But why make up some idea of ‘alternate timelines’? We hadn’t thought about the possibility before that - we thought that there was only one timeline, and that it just changed. So why bring up ‘alternates’ at all?_

Propping himself up on his elbow to stare at Stephen, Ryan felt his frown deepen. “You might have a point,” he said. “Cutter talked about different timelines, didn’t he? For a while, back before we lost you?”

Stephen’s shiver turned into a shudder. _I don’t like thinking about that time._

Ryan stroked his shoulder. “Yeah, I can understand that. It was a rotten time for both of you when Helen shot off her mouth like that.” He gave Stephen a hug. “But all’s well, finally.”

_Yes. Cutter sees me now._ When Ryan cocked his head in confusion, Stephen added, _Even when I was back and he was happy about that, he still looked through me. Now, he looks at me. I like it._

Nodding, Ryan cast his mind back over the last few months. “I never noticed, but you’re right. I’m glad for both of you.”

Stephen returned the nod. _From what I remember of that time before Helen remade me, he talked about someone named Claudia. But his talk was different. He thought everything had changed._ He grimaced at Ryan’s blank look. _He thought not that he had moved to a new timeline, he thought that the timeline itself had changed. Do you see the difference?_

Ryan thought about it. “Like the difference between walking from one room to another, or simply redecorating a single room?”

_Yes._

“Hm. Interesting.” Ryan lay back down and pulled Stephen to rest on his chest. “Maybe we need to talk to him in the morning.”

xXx

Ryan watched Cutter's face as Stephen explained his idea. It was endlessly fascinating to the soldier how people were allowing their faces to show more expression now that they'd become more familiar with signing and its need for facial augmentation of the hand movements. It was easy for him to tell when Cutter was losing track of the narrative, or when he was simply unable to grasp a particular sign. Stephen was obviously just as clued in, since he would immediately slow down or add more explanation, perhaps switching signs when necessary.

Cutter sat back, his thoughts towing expressions across his face. “Now, that’s very interesting,” he said. “You’re envisioning a network of timelines, all splitting out from various historical decisions like branches of a tree.”

Stephen nodded. _Yes. So every major decision splits out a new timeline. Every possibility is there, somewhere._

“Huh.” Cutter glanced over at Ryan. “Do you agree?”

Ryan shrugged. “I have no idea,” he replied. “Anything is possible where time is concerned, but I really don’t see any way of testing the theory.” He grinned at Stephen, who was pouting melodramatically. “Sorry, love, but unless we can figure out a way to test it. . .”

“Yeah, but as a working hypothesis, it’s pretty good,” Cutter said thoughtfully. “It makes a hell of a lot more sense than everything through multiple millions of years of history simply. . . changing. . . in the blink of an eye.”

_Maybe the things that don’t fit in the records might be things passing between timelines,_ Stephen added.

“Could be,” Cutter agreed. “For right now, we’ll just have to leave it as a hypothesis. When and if we can come up with some way to test it, then we will.” He nodded at them. “Thanks, Stephen, Ryan. When you have time, write it up and send it to me; I’ll keep it in the files for correlation with any new data we might get.”

“Will do,” Ryan responded, looking over at Stephen, who was grinning back at him. He grunted. “Not a chance, blue-eyes. You write this one up. It’s your theory.”

Stephen ghosted a chuckle and nodded. _Lazy._

“Uh-uh. I’ve simply more sense than to get involved with the scientific side. You guys are scary when you start arguing over tiny details. I keep waiting for the duels with scalpels and Bunsen burners.”

Cutter laughed and exited, leaving Stephen still staring hopefully at Ryan.

“Nope,” the soldier repeated. “Not a sodding chance. This one’s on you.”

_Okay, fine, I’ll do it._ Stephen was pouting again.

“Stop right there,” Ryan warned. “Keep that up and you’ll find yourself bent over the table.”

_Promises, promises,_ Stephen signed as he slipped out the door, leaving Ryan torn between amusement and aggravation as he adjusted his trousers.

xXx

Stephen didn’t get a chance to even start the report. He’d barely made it out the door, still grinning, when the anomaly alert siren went off. Ryan caught up with him halfway down the corridor, and together they headed for the atrium.

Connor was already there, seated at the console and narrowing down the location. He looked up at Stephen with slight trepidation when the coordinates settled. “Um, it’s the same place where the anomaly to Helen’s lab was.”

Ryan’s eyes narrowed, and Stephen froze. He really, really didn’t want to go back there. Looking over at Ryan, though, he stiffened his resolve. Seeing the look of gentle understanding on his lover’s face made him feel pathetic and puny, and he refused to accept that classification. After all they’d been through, he was damned if he would let fear of the past hold him back. _It’s okay,_ he signed, as quickly as he could, his equivalent of a soft voice that only Ryan should be able to catch. _If it goes to another place, we need to check it out, right? And if it goes to the same place, shouldn’t we make sure she hasn’t rebuilt?_

“Eminently sensible. And believe me when I add that I’m very surprised to be saying those words.” The sarcasm in James Lester’s tone was thick.

Stephen jumped, then grinned at Lester and raised his eyebrows. He’d been around the civil servant long enough to hear the undercurrent of affection. On the other hand, he had also been sure he’d signed fast enough to keep his message private; he was going to have to up his game, that was for sure. But when he glanced around, he saw that the others were all still looking a bit lost.

Ryan followed his gaze and laughed. “Looks like you left everyone else at the last station, Stephen,” he said, to Cutter’s visible annoyance. The Scotsman wasn’t enjoying the flashback to his mistake in Wales with the Alectrosaurus.

_Sorry,_ Stephen signed more slowly. _I was whispering._ He grinned at Cutter, whose eyebrows made a break for his fringe before he burst out laughing, obviously reconciled to not having understood.

Cutter looked to Lester. “So, I’m assuming that means we go?”

Lester nodded. “You go. And you go through if it’s judged to be safe by the Special Forces team. Ryan, you make the call once you’ve arrived.”

Ryan nodded. “Right.” He turned to Lyle, who had moved up behind him. “Full team this time. If this is the anomaly to Helen’s old lab, we take no chances, blown up or not.”

“Ten minutes. We’ll meet you in the garage,” the lieutenant replied, heading out.

xXx

Stephen shivered as he passed through the anomaly. The shards of dancing light always looked so sharp; he was never sure they wouldn’t somehow be solid and cut him. Sometimes he even had a nightmare about being sliced up by an anomaly he was trying to escape through. Escape from what or escape to what he could never remember. All he knew was that the shards had hard edges that felt like knives. So far, it hadn’t come to pass. He closed his eyes and took one more step, then breathed deeply of the air of another time and place.

“Okay?” Ryan asked.

He looked a little worried, and Stephen smiled and nodded. _They make my blood itch,_ he signed with an exaggerated shiver.

“Me, too,” Ryan replied, clasping his shoulder for a second in sympathy. “Finn has seen something new.”

_What has he found?_ Stephen asked quickly. The last thing he wanted was for Ryan to look at him deeply right now. His lover’s grey eyes were too quick.

Those same grey eyes narrowed for a moment, then Ryan nodded at him with a slight smile. Damn. Problem noted, message received and shelved for later. Stephen reckoned he’d have to come clean about the nightmares. At least it would be in private. Later. As late as he could put it off to, if he had his choice. But for now, there was Finn’s discovery.

“The place we found you is in little bits; they’re overgrown, so it’s been at least two, maybe three years since we came through last time, according to Fiver; his gran is a keen gardener and he spent most of his childhood helping her in her garden. He swears the stuff is some sort of bindweed.”

_And so?_ Stephen wondered.

“And so, we’re here at a different season,” Ryan replied with a grin at Stephen’s impatience. “There’s another building back behind that stand of trees on the right. He reckons it was there before, but we just couldn’t see it for the foliage. Now we can.”

Stephen looked in the indicated direction, and saw a structure that could have been an outbuilding of the place where Helen had created him. He gulped, eyes wide.

“Do you want to go back?” Ryan asked quietly. There was no judgement in his tone.

Stephen shook his head. _I might be able to help._ He looked at Ryan, seeing the uncertainty in his lover’s eyes and using that to shore up his courage. _I need to do this. I can’t let her control me any more than she already does._ Wondering if he was coming across as pleading, he waited for Ryan’s response.

The soldier smiled at him. “Let’s go, then.” He signalled to Lyle to take point, and the lieutenant, flanked by Blade and Finn, headed toward the building at a trot. Ryan and Ditzy kept the scientists between them, moving at a slower pace across the open field, with Fiver and Kermit bringing up the rear.

“Oh. Crap.” Lyle’s comment was clearly audible from inside as they reached the entrance. Stephen traded a worried look with Cutter when Ryan signalled them to remain where they were, and he and Ditzy moved through the door, weapons ready.

“Crap is right.” Ryan’s voice held a sound of disgust. “Come on in, Stephen, Professor. It’s not pretty, so Abby, you and Connor can choose - wait or see, it’s up to you.”

Stephen took a deep breath and strode through the door, head high, followed by the other three. He wasn’t going to let Helen’s machinations affect him. He wasn’t. Oh, fuck, he felt himself start to hyperventilate, only Abby’s gasp of revulsion and fingers clamping down on his arm keeping him grounded. The tiny woman was stronger than she looked, and the pain of her grip made a decent counter-irritant to the horror in front of them. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, then opened them again. Nothing had changed.

The entire front half of the building was one huge room. A room that contained human-sized glass tubes. Stephen shuddered as he walked slowly up to the closest one and placed his hand on the cold surface. Inside was something that looked as if it might have been trying to develop into a human. Trying. Tears in his eyes, Stephen looked around the room. There were a dozen tubes, eleven of which were filled with beings in various stages of growth, from pre-birth to late puberty. Only one was correctly formed, but that one looked to be still at a pre-natal development stage. None looked capable of surviving outside the fluid in which they floated, if they were even still alive. They weren’t breathing or moving, so it was impossible to tell.

“For fuck’s sake, why does she keep these monsters?” Blade’s voice held a tiny tremor.

Stephen looked at Blade, wondering if they’d finally found something that would make the soldier’s legendary cool take a long hike off a short pier. He glanced at Ryan, who was also watching. After an uncomfortable moment, the captain nodded once and moved over to watch over Connor, who now had his laptop hooked into the computer system. Stephen examined Blade, and saw that he’d regained control. The knife-man had wrapped himself in a mantle of calm, and was backing Abby as she checked the readouts on the control panels attached to each of the tubes, calling them out to Connor at the computer.

After matching a few sets of readings with information on Helen’s computer system, Connor replied to the rhetorical question with a shuddering grimace. “Because everything that goes wrong narrows down how to make it right.” He looked over his shoulder at Cutter. “This lab is a lot more primitive than the other one; I think it was her first, and she’s gone back to it since the other one’s in bits.”

“Maybe that’s why her last supposedly successful clone turned out to have a heart problem.” Cutter was so concentrated on the information scrolling down the screen in front of him that he completely missed Stephen’s horrified twitch and Kermit’s gag of disgust.

When Ryan looked at him with concern, Stephen managed to dredge up a slightly sickly and rather twisted grin. _I’m okay_ , he signed. _Grossed out, but handling it._

“That sounds pretty true for all of us,” Ditzy chimed in from his crouch in front of a box that was different from the rest of the crates scattered around the edges of the room. “Stephen, do you recognise this?”

Pleased at having something to do other than stare at the things floating in the tubes, Stephen moved over to squat beside the medic and examine the contents of the box. It was about the size of a normal filing box, and it was full of slides that looked like tissue samples. _I never saw anything like it when she had me,_ he replied, before poking through the slides, checking the codes written on them. _Maybe they’re samples from her prior work?_

“Ah, could be.” Ditzy arranged them by code type, then called the sequences to Connor.

After a few sets, Connor nodded at him, saying, “They’re older, but in the computer just like the current lot.”

“Looks like she’s kept samples from each attempt at cloning, with the relevant gene modifications marked.” Ditzy looked at Ryan. “Keep or destroy?”

“Professor?” Ryan looked perfectly happy to leave this decision to the scientists.

Cutter and Connor finished their consultation, and Cutter ran his hands through his hair, making it stand completely on end. Stephen grinned at the sight, and Cutter grimaced at him, trying unsuccessfully to tame the frantic-looking disarray. “I think, destroy,” he said firmly. “We don’t need any of this. It’s a bloody abomination.”

When Lyle muttered something filthy that Stephen couldn’t catch, Cutter glared at him before turning to Stephen. “I’m not equating these - these monsters - with you, Stephen.”

Stephen looked at the things in the tubes, feeling slightly frayed around the edges. _I know,_ he signed, biting his lip. _I was lucky. These poor things weren’t._ He nodded at Cutter. _I agree. They should be destroyed. If they have any life in them, they deserve to be released._

“Right.” Ryan looked at Lyle with raised eyebrows.

Lyle looked feral in return. “Of course, boss, ready whenever.” He signalled to Finn and Fiver, who dropped their packs and started pulling out all the bits required to make a very large bang.

Very few minutes later, they gathered at the anomaly and waited as Finn counted down. All eyes were on the building in the distance.

“Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Now.” The building bulged out and up in one massive blast and then collapsed in a cloud of dust. They waited until the air cleared, then Fiver and Blade made a quick sortie to check the results. In minutes they were back to report complete destruction.

“Return to base,” Ryan ordered. The men grabbed their packs and Connor tucked his laptop close. Stephen waited and when Ryan wrapped an arm around his shoulders, he smiled and leaned on his captain for a moment. They passed back through the anomaly together.

xXx

Stephen wandered out of the shower that evening, scrubbing his hair dry and yawning. It had been a nasty day. He would rather go up against an entire mob of raptors than see those deformed clones again. The only thing that could have made the day worse would have been to come face to face with Helen Cutter in that place. On the other hand, since almost every man on the Special Forces team had vowed to shoot her on sight, maybe that would have improved his mood. Still yawning, he dropped the towel beside the bed and slid under the duvet to wrap himself around his lover. He felt the rumble in the chest under his cheek as Ryan chuckled at his imitation of a limpet.

“You comfortable?” the soldier asked.

Stephen wriggled a little closer and nodded.

“You ready to talk about it now?”

Stephen shook his head. Damn it. He’d hoped against hope that Ryan had forgotten about his morning near-freakout. No such luck.

“Why not?” Again, there was no annoyance in the tone, no pushing.

That made it even more irritating, since it left Stephen feeling guilty for not wanting to share. He sat up and frowned at Ryan, who simply grinned back.

“You know you’ll give in,” the soldier said with an undertone of smugness. “You might as well tell me now, or you won’t get any sleep tonight.”

Stephen snarled silently. _Okay,_ he signed abruptly, every movement stiff and lacking its normal grace, adding emphasis to his distress. _I have a dream. A nightmare. I’m running through an anomaly. I don’t know if I’m running away from something, or toward something. I’m just running. I’m scared. The shards are real and hard and sharp. They cut me as I pass through._ He crossed his arms over his chest, shivering.

Ryan pushed himself up to lean against the headboard. “So, not much information there.”

Stephen’s jaw tightened, and Ryan reached out to stroke his cheek. “Not an insult, love. Just a fact.” He slid his hand down Stephen’s shoulder and gripped hard. “Two things: First, does the lack of detail, the not knowing why you’re going through the anomaly make it worse? And second, how long have you been having it?”

Backing away from his anger and fear, Stephen thought hard. _It started about a week before Helen kidnapped me. There wasn’t anything that happened, that I can think of anyway, to have kicked it off._ He shrugged. _As for the lack of detail, maybe you’re right on that. It’s so amorphous, so lacking in any reason, that it just seems so fucking eerie._

Ryan smiled softly. “I can think of one thing that happened,” he said, pulling Stephen close. “Our six-month.” He held hard as Stephen tried to pull away. “No, hear me out. Helen did a number on you, and our start was so rocky that I have a feeling that you were just waiting for the hammer to fall.”

Stephen tucked his head into Ryan’s shoulder and sighed. He nodded, just once, embarrassed about his lack of confidence in them.

“Okay. So, that would explain the lack of detail, too. And why the anomaly was so sharp. Your indecision was cutting at you. You couldn’t decide whether to stay and try to make it work - ‘run to’; or to cut your losses and disappear - ‘run away’.”

Biting his lip, Stephen sat up and stared mournfully at Ryan. What his lover was saying made too much sense. And it made him feel even more like an idiot. _When did you learn to read dreams?_

Ryan’s smile turned crooked. “I didn’t. I’m just not so close to the problem. Not to worry, Stephen. You’ve had a damned rotten time. And I didn’t help there at the beginning, so I’m not surprised that you couldn’t trust, deep inside, that I wouldn’t throw you away.” He sat up to face Stephen directly. “I’ve said this before, and I’ll continue to say it until you can fully believe me: I love you. Intensely. And I will never dump you. I’m in this for the long haul.”

Stephen felt tears pricking at his eyes, and he nodded mistily. _I believe you. And I love you. I think I’ll sleep tonight._

Ryan chuckled. “You’d bloody better. I hate baring my soul, and if it doesn’t end up helping, I’m liable to burst into tears.”

Stephen smiled damply, and pulled Ryan down so he had his warm pillow again. _Sleep well. I love you._

“And I love you, too, blue-eyes.”

Within 30 seconds, they were both out like a light. And for once, even the anomalies cooperated.


End file.
